Happy Friday.. It is Friday, right?

Days of the week don't mean anything to me.. wait I take that back. I hate weekends now. They are busy with all the suckers with jobs crowding the places I like (or need) to go to.. I try to take care of my day to day stuff during the week and not during rush hour traffic times to avoid this nonsense. This is going to be a bit of a venting rant.. sorry. You've been warned now.

I find it really hard to wake up each day motivated. I'm depressed. Mainly about money because it prevents me from doing things I need to do (haircut, pay bills) and things I want to do (buy new shoes- wait that might be bordering on need at this point.... or play more poker).  I'm exhausted already at the 15 hour a day attempts to be productive in a way that will hopefully yield some dough I can live on. Unemployment is generous I have to admit- compared to other states.. However, it has to be because of the cost of living. My bimonthly checks from the state are barely covering rent, car payment, car insurance and gas.. that's about it. It's a shame that still leaves me with electric, food, my cell phone, credit card debt.. and any other expenses that come up.. I needed an oil change yesterday and I will soon need new break pads.. YAY! It's really hard. Each month I have to find a way to make up the other half of my salary I had grown into over the last 8 years. This isn't a whoa-is-me post by any means.. it's a fact. My day to day is burdened with the stress of how can I make some extra cash.. Can't pick up a min wage job or anything.. anything on the books will come out of my unemployment. I don't live with anyone so the bills are completely my responsibility... And I've given up on the idea that the cats were going to be famous in commercials. They apparently just want to sleep all day.. ha. don't we all.

Well, that brings me to poker.. I can't play enough right now to balance out the variance. My bankroll is my grocery money.. I lose and I can't buy food. Not good. I can't drive the 30-40 mins (no traffic) to Commerce or the Bike and play... and lose.. and drive all the way back. I can play online but it's not the same. I play better live. I try to play as much as I can afford and I am continuing to be a student of the game, reading.. and studying up... but it's hard. I feel like that's where the cash is for me but I can't get enough just yet.

Other ventures I have going are creative.. I have 3 projects I am working on and they exhaust me. The pay out on these is not immediate and not guaranteed either. It's hard to stay positive and motivated everyday when there's no guarantee there will be a pay off. I can be as proud and happy with my work all I want but that's not bringing in any extra cash.. One of these ideas is really good (ha. I feel like right now) and I think it could really lead to something big.. but it's going to cost a bit of an investment (cash) and tons of my time. I'm not giving up though.. this is where the 15 hours a day is coming into play. I swear I'm the hardest working unemployed person out there.

To wake up everyday motivated is really hard. I get in an hour of exercise everyday and make sure I spend time outside, as well to keep me going. Days like Friday, I tend to wake up depressed. I work 7 days a week.. and on those Saturdays and Sundays I avoid people and places because of the crowds.. I also avoid my old work friends now too. I can't stand to hear about the old job and other things.. like.. "oh, my god, I'm so broke right now".. really, dude? I'm unemployed.. crossing my fingers I can cover the rent this month. It's a shame too. I was friends with a lot of the people I worked with... I moved to LA (and California) with no friends or family here so those people I worked with were my friends and support. It's a shame when something like getting laid off happens.. because then you see who was really a friend... and they are few.

Today is a rough day. They certainly aren't fun and care-free days as an unemployed lady. Just trying to find the motivation everyday and the solutions to my struggles to try to make each day enjoyable and productive.